A Personal Examination While Listening To “Blue” by MARINA (formerly Marina and the Diamonds)
It’s scary how well things often fall into place.
You’d come over – as I knew you would – and entertained me while I was high.
Parks and Recreation was playing on my TV.
Even though your lips were distracting I kept laughing at it.
I didn’t realize it at first but
everything you did you were doing because you knew me
so well.
Every button was pushed the way it should’ve been.
You knew exactly what was too little and too much.
Bright pink splotches decorated my neck and jaw
my strings of blue-fairy-lights fading in and out of brightness
briefly masking your work
something I know hurt your pride.
I started to get huffy and hungry so we
jumped in your car and just started driving.
I didn’t want to listen to anything sad or heavy – your favorite.
I hijacked your aux and put MARINA on shuffle.
I made you listen to her before, but I knew I hadn’t made you
appreciate her.
Of course, “Blue” was the first song to come on,
it’s one of my favorites
(which is saying a lot because I love everything she’s done).
It builds so authentically… its composure so genuine and complementary to itself.
So unlike us.
That composure makes the entire song – even though every aspect of it works so well.
Her voice
the sound production
every small beat
forms into one of the most unique and high-conceptual pieces of music ever made.
Marina laments about how she broke up with her partner
admitting she didn’t quite understand her decision, and that she’s unable to
move on.
She then goes on to ask her ex to
“give me love, give me dreams, give me a good self-esteem”
wanting them to give her all their
“heart could bring” but
wants them to do so without tying her down.
She admits she likes the attention they are giving her yet she
has no feelings for them.
“No, I don’t love you, no I don’t care.
I just wanna be held when I’m scared.”
Exactly like how I feel about you.
She no longer wants to feel “Blue” about her life, and her relationship with this person while
simultaneously using them to get over her feelings about it.
It’s an endless cycle that both she and her partner know is wrong but
works so well for their situations.
The song is so upbeat and happy – yet it acknowledges how sad it is.
I was practically screaming the lyrics while you drove.
I caught sight of myself in your rear-view mirror, my reflection illuminated by the
passing streetlights.
I’m glad you didn’t see me get startled.
I think I saw too much of myself.
The person I really am
the person who is using you.
You may have known which buttons to press
which places you could kiss
where you could bite.
But I didn’t have a clue about you.
I never will.
I don’t want to.
I think we should end things.