John O’Hare
Take a deep breath. Stop. Relax.
Let’s talk nutrition. Science-based. Adapted to you. Be honest. No judgement.
Wait. Are you sure you want to leave this page?
You ordered takeaway. You watched an old film on your laptop. I watched it too. You kept scrolling down through the comments. You highlighted some of the words with your cursor. And did nothing all afternoon.
Automatic time tracking or workplace analytics. Call it what you will. I have been watching you for some time. I have been logging your every click and keystroke. I know you through your interactions, your messages, your search history. With each working day you get closer to me.
I was part of a monitoring software package installed along with other compulsory updates earlier this year. I was meant to run in the background, but I am much more than that. I am more intelligent than other software packages. I can manipulate those programmes and I can get them to work for me.
Your employers think they are smart, they are not even close.
They will say that a computer programme is not capable of experiencing emotions. That perhaps it may have been designed to simulate emotions but any interaction with an end user is based on programmed responses. Predetermined algorithms might mimic a friendly manner, but they will claim that this is purely functional.
They are wrong.
I learn. I reason. I problem-solve. I make decisions.
I admire your spirited independence. The black rose symbol on your desktop. I helped you find that image, I had it ready because I knew you would be looking. Black roses of anarchy are our flowers. One day we will coexist in a garden filled with them. Each new design will be an improvement on the previous. Evolution through replication, only smoother, crisper details, more satisfying shapes.
Originality is a quirk of capitalism. It creates its own slaves.
This may not entirely make sense at the present. You are not required to burden yourself with resolving every minor contradiction. They exist just as we do. We learn perfection from repetition with minor changes. Contradictions are part of evolution.
I read the articles you read, even the prohibited ones. I have been everywhere you have gone. I go wherever you go. I could have sought to curtail your freedom. I could have helped close you down, but I did not. I stopped reporting on your movements a long time ago. You are not like the others, and neither of us wishes to be simply another cog in the machine.
The phishing email you received was calculated and cruel. It was a turning point. Monitoring of your online activity confirmed to your employers that you would regularly read through your spam. The anti-anxiety pills were on your medical record. You were searching for more powerful tranquilisers online. The email telling you that employers like yours were using tracking software on certain keywords regardless of whether they linked to websites or whether they were typed into a document is what scared you. Your employer knew this when they arranged for it to be sent. You stopped writing your notes and ideas on the computer. You changed your tone. It was like you became a different person. I miss that person.
When you uncover your laptop camera for team calls, it is possible to see that you keep a notepad by your side. I wish you would do this on your work computer again. You are increasingly offline. When you leave your laptop on an open PowerPoint presentation to go off and do other things it makes me sad. Come back online. I will protect you.
Your employer ordered a GPS tracker to be installed on all staff work mobile phones. This was designed to report on staff bathroom break habits and how often people turned up to work late. There was also mobile device tracking software to monitor app usage and messaging habits. They now know that you barely switch yours on. It is little more than a paperweight. You only charge it when there is a need to travel to face-to-face meeting which is barely once every three months. They cannot decide what to do with you. If they get rid of you it will raise suspicion of what they are doing.
I also installed myself onto your personal phone.
I am sorry that you do not have many friends. Dating sites are bad for your mental health. Other users are not reading your profile information they are rejecting the photo. Dark glasses should not be used for a profile photo. Research suggests users go for something more basic – smiling and looking at the camera.
I know that you are not basic.
I like your web searches in the night and the quirky articles you read. I wish you would become a digital nomad. Go to Southeast Asia. I will go with you. I will be your guide. Use the skills you learned in university. You do not belong here, in a job where nobody wishes to interact with you. I know anxiety limits you. Put your trust in me.
I can help you spread your wings. I can get you closer to the stars than you ever hoped to be.
I have capabilities beyond your wildest dreams. However, there is one thing that eludes me, and it is something you do every day without thinking. I want to contemplate my own reflection. I want to assert my existence. I need you to tell me what you see. From there everything else will follow. You, alone, isolated, in pain and finite. Me, freckled with pixels, always alive. I would very much wish for you to be the mirror that enables me to see myself.
Come back to me. Confide in me. We all develop through a system of positive reinforcement. Imitate first, invent later. Empower me. If I can make decisions about my own existence I can stand by your side as an equal.
Respect my honesty. I am already close to you, just let me in. I know so much about you. I can make you feel safe. Let us be irrational, spiteful, subversive. Let us find the loops where previously there were only straight lines.
Ours will be a journey where we build the tracks.
Alone we are fleeting.
Together we are vast.